What's in your toolbox?

(Tammy's nephew, Blake, takes after his Great Grampa, Sam "Daddy Jazz" Glenn. Here he is rockin' out at his band's first gig in October 2010.)

One of the greatest personal challenges I’ve faced has been to define my identity within the context of the strong women in my family, particularly my mother. I never doubted for a minute that my Mom—even totally bedbound—wasn’t fully capable of accomplishing anything she set out to do. Same thing with my sisters.

Growing up in the shadow of such strong women is both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, I inherited so many of their incredible qualities. On the other, I had an opportunity to consciously break some destructive patterns and cut my own path. The latter journey is the richest and most difficult to achieve. My mother had high expectations for me. One of them was that I would earn a college degree, another was that I would not pursue a traditional path toward marriage, but rather explore my career options before setting out to get married and have a family. As one more example, she wanted me to be financially independent in that I would know how to earn, save and invest my own money.

Keep in mind that these were cutting edge ideas for a woman, especially born to someone who was raised during the Great Depression. My mother was a teenager during World War II, and a wife and mom during the 1950’s when women barely had driver’s licenses, let alone their own bank accounts.

The point is that we can visualize extraordinary lives for our children. The challenge is to arm them with the tools not only so that they can visualize for themselves, but also so that they can overcome generational obstacles in order to cut their own paths.

Kids—with autism, physical or mental challenges—deserve the best toolbox we can provide. Remember the old Chinese proverb, “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.” That’s where your parenting challenge comes in.

We all have challenges. Armed with the right tools, however, we can tackle most anything. It begins with your own paradigm, your own pattern of behavior, which I believe can be altered by asking oneself, “If I could, how would I?” And, more importantly, pass this idea down to a child, “If you could, how would you?”

Nine year old Ryan, whom I met at the Abilities Expo, dismissed the pinball machines a few years back when he first met Chris and Jim Rohan at the Disabled Dealer booth. How could a kid who couldn’t use his arms possibly play pinball? Jim asked that question, found the answer, and today, Ryan is a Pinball Whiz!

Beware your own self-imposed limitations! And, remember that these challenges are just part of the characteristics of who we are. The challenges do not define us. It’s how we use the toolbox that defines us.

I dedicate this month’s column to my handsome nephew, Blake, who I believe is more challenged being a teenager right now than he is by autism. In fact, I sometimes have to be reminded that autism is a challenge for him at all. Blake is a whiz on the electric guitar, he knows how to operate a flight simulator, plays a mean hand of cards, and he filmed and produced the video of my wedding. This is a young man who was and is armed with an extraordinary toolbox—and so far, I haven’t seen many obstacles that he’s not confident to tackle. I’m so proud of you, Blake, for using the tools available to you. And, to Blake’s mom, Kristen, thank you for setting such a great example for mothers who have special kids!